How can you leave an abusive relationship?


It can be challenging for someone to leave an abusive spouse due to underlying love, hope, financial, and safety concerns. It can take multiple attempts and requires time, resources, and a plan.

Overmedication survivors should trust intuition and experiences when developing a plan. However, eroding self-esteem can make leaving seem dangerous or impossible.

Read more to learn about how to leave an abusive spouse.

Is It Safe to Leave an abusive relationship?

Nobody should feel unsafe. You may be considering ending a relationship if it is dangerous or violent. Suppose you are in a violent relationship. It would help if you thought about leaving.

 You do not leave your spouse today or do it all at once. But a good plan can assist you know what to do when you want to go.

Having a divorce lawyer can help you get out safely later if you do decide to leave the toxic relationship.

Signs of an abusive relationship

According to Theresa Black, MA, MFT, ATR, clinical director of Laura’s House, it’s not always simple to predict when a spouse may turn abusive because possessive and controlling behaviors can start small and get worse over time.

However, there are several warning signs. Abuse could be coming from your partner if they:

  • exhibit extreme-level feelings such as obsession and possessiveness in physical, emotional, or sexual violence
  • isolate you from friends and family
  • permanently try to know where you are and what you’re doing
  • manipulate you
  • Suppose control over your finances, plans, ideas, etc, without permission
  • rarely take responsibility or admit fault

Why it’s so tough to leave an abusive spouse?

Leaving an abusive spouse is never an easy task. In many cases, the man abusing you is someone you love. Moreover, there can be many positive aspects of this abusive relationship.

Most abusive spouses have what is called the “cycle of abuse,” which remains the same every time.

Steps to leave an abusive spouse

Create a safety plan.

A safety plan aids people in keeping themselves as safe as possible if abuse worsens. It is a safety plan that allows a person to leave and get help speedily.

Helpful tips for the creation of a safety plan include:

  • identifying a secure location to remain after leaving, contacting legal counsel regarding obtaining a protection order, alerting at least one person to the abuse, and creating a code word signifying the need for emergency assistance
  • preparing an overnight bag that has basics such as diapers, a change of clothes, and cash in case a person needs to exit quickly
  • purchasing a backup phone and keeping it in the bag or a hidden location
  • learning about weapons that are in the home

Make an escape plan

An escape plan is a long-term plan to leave a relationship safely. It can identify barriers like financial dependence and gradually remove them. It may involve starting a savings and credit card account in one’s name and ensuring their partner doesn’t access them.

 Expert advice, especially for children or property, is crucial. The plan addresses financial issues, child safety, reporting abuse, personal safety, and emergency resources.

Work toward being independent

Financial dependence often leads to abusive relationships.

However, gaining financial independence can empower individuals to leave such toxic relationships.

  • stashing cash somewhere whenever possible
  • building new skills to find employment
  • a job, or taking up freelancing

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